Ooh, how about instead of being able to author a commit message, you're forced to let an LLM write it for you based on the diff since last commit. And that the LLM runs distributed on the blockchain, so it's monstrously slow, and has to be paid for with a 'gas' analogue so there's huge transaction fees as well.
That's the most techbro-brained idea I could come up with.
Checks out sufficiently dystopian, yep.
If you could work some gratuitous LLM in there, we could be a little closer to torment-nexus territory. Keep working at it.